Reminders – The Muslimah

Fresh Beginnings

In the name of Allah, the Lord of Mercy, the Giver of Mercy

In today’s time many Muslim women are experiencing internal chaos. A lot of us aren’t sure why we are here and don’t know who we are. We’re not sure why a headscarf is valuable, why prayer is crucial for our spiritual well being, and why we were created so differently from men. A lot of us are confused and we find ourselves trying to be like the women in magazines and many times fighting our own fitrah or innate natures. Many of us are preoccupied with our materialistic lifestyles that leave us spiritually dry. And the very fundamentals of Islam – our faith – are misunderstood by many of us. And if we allow ourselves to be honest, many of us don’t have an urge to understand any better and live any better because we are happy with where we are.

It is so important that we admit our weaknesses and confusion to ourselves so that we can start rebuilding ourselves spiritually. And this begins by realizing that Islam is a way of life that offers all of mankind a solution. Islam – the continuation of the message since the beginning of creation – is a faith that establishes true purpose and one that seeks to transform our life to a life of purity. It is a faith that calls us to the belief in One Perfect Creator. He is the Creator of all of mankind, all of the Prophets (peace be upon them), including Jesus and Mohammad (peace be upon them). It is a faith that pushes us to think and look around so that we may realize that things did not just come about on their own. Islam is a religion that grants all of humanity peace and eternal happiness when we allow it to penetrate our hearts and souls.

Once we realize that Islam is the solution it is then that we will be able to attain peace through Remembrance of God. It is then that all of our priorities will fall right into place and the problems that we currently face will no longer take over our lives. We will be able to be Muslim women without having to rely on outside talk to dictate to us how we should think and act. It is then that we will begin to see our Islamic garment as a protection of our faith and a reminder that God has entrusted us with something very special. And it is then that we will be proud to pass on this beautiful Message, beginning with ourselves and those nearest to us.

As Muslim women we play an important role in the way our society works. If we change our own outlook on the role that Islam plays within our life and begin to adopt it as our way of life, it is then that we will be able to bring strength to our communities. We all play an important role in in this world. With this in mind, a college education will be more than just seeking a degree – we will obtain more tools to help ourselves and our local and global communities. Mothers will raise the future generations that will uphold Islamic values. Wives will be the backbone of their husbands, the ones who encourage them and support them through the hardships of this world like Khadijah (may God be pleased with her) supported our last and final Messenger – Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).

It is with this that we hope youwill join us on the re-launch of The Muslimah, a website created to inspire all of us as Muslim women to reflect so that we can bring about change through the acceptance and practice of our God-given faith.

Bienvenidos. Welcome. Marhaba.

Few Thoughts Before We’re Off

Bismillah

We’re headed down to Florida for a week insha’Allah, leaving tomorrow morning. Alhamdulillah, I look forward to the break from the computer for an entire week, the winter snow, and the same ol things I see every day. Change is nice masha’Allah. We were supposed to leave Wednesday but my husband masha’Allah. What can I say? : ) It made packing a little more difficult and I prayed all day that I didn’t have an emotional breakdown from all the pressure of packing, cleaning, planning for someone to care for our pets, and all while I’m sick! I look forward to healing where there is sun and ocean, bi’idhnillah.

I’ve packed the teas, the agave nectar (out of honey for now), lectures, the crayons and paper, and all the essentials I know we will need. Packing for a trip like this really makes me think that I do not live like a stranger or a traveler on a path as the hadeeth of our Beloved Messenger (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) says “Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a traveler on a path.” All this stuff, not knowing what to bring and what to leave, I just do not like it. I hate the feeling of being overwhelmed by things. I wish I could live my life with very few things, the necessities, and a little more for some comfort and warmth… but just enough… you know? Everything else is just too much.

I really don’t want a huge house someday with too many things. I do want a yurt because I love the simplicity of it. I want land. I’d love a little cottage… insha’Allah one day. But I want it small and with minimal things. I want the main purpose of my home to be a place where we cook, sleep, play, but a lot of our life is lived outdoors… and reading, contemplations. I want my impact on this earth to be minimal, not just for the sake of the Earth but for my own sanity.

I will make du’a’ for anyone I remember while travelling and in FL insha’Allah. Please keep us in your prayers and if you read this right away… please make du’a’ that I can sleep some tonight. Thanks!

Re: Am I Conservative Yet? Or, Feeling Like a Stranger Amongst the Muslims

Bismillah

If you are to read this entry please read it in its entirety so that you do not misunderstand anything. A request, thank you.

Notetaker wrote a a post called Am I Conservative Yet? Or, Feeling Like a Stranger Amongst the Muslims that didn’t get as much talk around the blogosphere as it should have. Her post really made me think about my local community, the online Muslim community, and communities throughout the world, Muslim and non-Muslim. It brought to mind the abundant ignorance in our community about basic Shari’ah. It made me think about the spread of irreligiosity and the celebration for living a life without any sort of guidance. I want to share some of my thoughts that I couldn’t really get together when I first saw the feed on deenport…

When I first took my shahadah, I understood I had to undergo a lot of changes in my life. I knew I would have to start wearing a khimar (headscarf), learn to pray and pray 5 times a day, watch carefully who I befriended closely. I knew the whole boyfriend thing was a no no. I knew that controlling our anger was encouraged, etc. These are just examples. It was clear to me that accepting Islam meant I’d have to change my lifestyle. It didn’t mean it was going to be easy but I acknowledged it. I wanted to change my life because I believed in One Creator. I didn’t know about Ihsan but it was as if I already understood that Islam had a higher purpose… one that I had hoped would lead me to a better life. Ramadan came around and it wasn’t hard for me to just acknowledge that I had to control my anger. I remember telling my parents that if they angered me I might break my fast! It was so exciting. Maybe it was that I was so young, only 14, and hadn’t experienced much. My parents did shelter me, although at school it was a different thing. Maybe because I was still growing up and still very impressionable, maybe that is why it wasn’t hard for me to accept that I had to change and find my identity through my deen… Allah knows best.

What I see from American Muslims a lot, and part of the reason why I prefer to go to the smaller Masjid in my community, is an internal rebellion. It is quite apparent by the things that are said and done. I’ve been in Masaajid where Muslims fight certain basics of the deen, such as having to cover their bodies properly to make salah and having to lower their gazes. You can’t tell anyone anymore, it seems, even in private, that they have to cover their neck/chest and ears to pray because their prayer will not be valid. I’ve prayed next to women who do not cover anything at all and have felt horrible inside for not saying anything. I’ve said things in the past and have spoken to women in private, kindly, but I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells. It’s as if I can already hear the “I don’t care what you have to say! I’m American and I can do what I want!!” And it has happened.

I feel like a stranger in my own community. I go and I pray and that is what I am there for. There always seems to be some uproar about something, something that always starts because of ego. Really, this is the problem. As Muslims, we must be willing to re define ourselves and abandon old principles when we accept this faith, and this will happen if we are sincere. We can’t call ourselves Muslims and fight our faith at the same time. And I’m not saying that this means we are going to be doing everything and not struggle. We are going to struggle, some things will take a longer time, some won’t, some we may never get to. But we can’t fight them. We must acknowledge our faith and what it calls to. We can’t go on rejecting aspects of our faith simply because we are too weak to put them into practice. I struggle with my prayer but I can’t use that as an excuse to say its not obligatory or that I can pray whenever I just feel like it. Believe it or not, Muslims say these sorts of things. There are discussions even online about why women don’t have to cover at all and many people really do try to give da’wah to this and get offended if anything is said otherwise.

Those Muslims who stand up to this ignorance, even if its kindly, after waiting for the right moment (you know, with hikmah), do get called names, such as extremists, and told that they are ignoring more important issues. The truth is that these are cheap excuses to ignore the real issue at hand. I also think this points to deeper problems.

A lot of American converts who accept Islam are given da’wah by people and organizations who themselves don’t seem to see Islam beyond the 5 salawat at the Masjid. It seems that a lot of times the focus of the American Muslim community is to defend itself against attacks, suck up to people (this is exactly what it is!), and try to find new ways to fit in, even if it means going further and further from the proper way of doing things in Islam. How then will we as American converts get the message that our faith must become our new identity? The people around us themselves don’t get it! The responsibility that we have when we give da’wah is to call to tawheed and part of that is submission to the command of our Creator. What does submission mean to us anymore? La ilaha illa Allah by tongue and it stops there?

Again, we will struggle, and we may struggle a lot with basics, but we must atleast acknowledge the need for change and not fight it. It’s a scary line to cross. We should be encouraging each other to be more faithful, to hide our sins, to come together more for His sake. Our gatherings should have more conversation about Allah and ways that we can improve in this dunya. We should talk more about defeating the ego, accepting advice humbly, controlling our anger. We should be looking for the solutions in the Qur’an, the hadeeth books, books of tafaseer, and going to our scholars when we do not know.

I do feel like a stranger in my own community and sometimes I find myself sitting on my couch just thinking how it could be like if things were a little better. It would be easier to bring my children along more often and let them get to know more people… but I fear what people will tell them at this young age. I’ve heard so many horrible things from Muslim adults. We don’t even want to watch our tongues around our children. I fear that my children will become confused at this tender age and ask me why it is we do some things that other Muslims don’t… or why we don’t do some things that other Muslims do. It’s happened before many times and it has confused my 6 year old.

The Messenger of Allah (SallAllahu Alayhi wa sallam) said that his ummah (community), are like the bricks of a building, each strengthening the other. Our building is so weak and needs strengthened. I think it can start with our own small circles. We can come together more and talk more about ways of improving when we come together. It’s not always easy to be the first to bring it up when people don’t seem to care but its a struggle worth taking.

I don’t want anyone to misunderstand me and think I’m looking down on people who do not cover. This IS NOT what I am doing at all. Women struggle with hijab, prayer (I do!), and other basic things for many reasons. What I am saying is we must acknowledge our deen and what it calls to. Islam is about submission and obedience to our Creator. If this is understood from the beginning, what will be problem? It’s difficult, especially in the American context as this culture teaches us to think about I, I, I… but if it is Islam we are accepting then we need to realize that Islam and a lot of the American principles are complete opposites of one another and not compatible. Islam is what builds our identities. This also doesn’t mean that we abandon our cultures but that we should be vigilant and try and live a life that is pleasing to Him. It’s a blessing to be able to take the good and leave the bad.

Alhamdulillah for the blessing of Islam.

Allowing Hope, Love, Sincerity to Guide us, not fear.

Bismillah

I was on Deenport and saw this poem by Roald Dahl posted by someone here.

All I can think is that these are very straight forward words. The truth is that in todays time it is normal for children to be addicted to television, computer, movies, etc. I’m grateful that we removed television but there remains the problems with computers and movies and more. (Please note, this post is about more than movies, television..etc.)

During the time that I was salafi, I developed a type of fear of the haram that made me always look for it, find the faults in people as if being around them for sinning one bit would make me evil. I spoke about the rules more than I ever spoke about hope, love, and sincerity of treading this path. I really dislike bringing up the whole salafi thing but this is something that I have to admit to myself and hope others see. I’m not saying everyone is the same because they aren’t. I considered myself strict in faith and never really realized that this “strictness” was not firmness in faith at all. Within my heart, I felt a huge burden to follow the rules.

I’ve been reading a book called Simplicity Parenting that reminded me of something very important when it comes to raising children. The author, Kim John Payne, quotes American journalist Ellen Goodman who said, “The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears.” As a parent of two children, as someone who wants the best for her children, I can’t allow this strictness and fear (not sincere fear of displeasing Allah) to guide my own life that my children will see. My faith in my Creator, my hope to be with Him, the love that I have for this beautiful religion He has blessed us with… this is what needs to guide me and guide my parenting. You may be wondering, what does this have to do with the poem I linked above? So much.

For so long I did not allow myself to be human, to accept that others are humans as well. I could only see, for example with this topic, the television set. I couldn’t stand being around it. But let me tell you, it wasn’t because I felt it was leading me away from my Creator… it was because it was a box of Shaytan. It was not sincere. And this is how my life was during those days and it has affected me till this day. I felt during those salafi days like I was walking on eggshells but I told myself that it was okay because I was avoiding the haram. So much strictness… subhana’Allah… where was the hope? I wish I could put these thoughts of mine into words that were as clear and straight forward as the poem up at the top. I hope someone understands.

This has affected many things with my parenting. I was strict for so long on things they couldn’t do but not out of love and sincerity but out of fear of breaking rules… not breaking them because Allah was watching… just because they were rules. Such a fine line, I realize now. It’s scary to even talk about.

Television, movies, etc., have seen this because for so long I forbade movies simply because I thought that was the right thing to do and not because I knew and felt with sincerity that it was the right thing to do. And what’s scary is that children see right through us so no wonder my oldest has rebelled. Why would he want to listen to my speech of fear, my words, when they weren’t sincere? We don’t realize how children can see what we feel. Children are so pure and they do. I’ve told my oldest many times that I’m happy and he knows very well that I’m sad or upset. He analyzes me so much.

When it comes to movies and television, we really are desensitized. We don’t realize the harms that exist when we place our children in front of the television or in front of movies. It really does kill their imagination. This itself should be enough reason for us as parents to end it but its not. And then there are the things they learn from it. One parent told me her son watched Transformers (the first one) and her son asked her later on, what does masturbate mean? She didn’t know where he got it from. When we hear a pure child utter words like this… how can we not get disgusted with our surroundings? They are so pure. Her son is only 6. Alhamdulillah she found out it came from Transformers.

Do we realize how many parents will never care their children hear this? By the way, I only mention this example because it is the first one that really came to mind that I thought would get a strong message across about this stuff. Look how they cater the Transformers toys to children. I’ve spoken to my husband about this and he said, well, they can play with the toys without watching the movies. With all honesty, how does this not lead them to want to watch it? Every toy Layth has gotten that comes from some movie always leads him to ask to watch it. They find out these movies exist through children, adults, ads, etc.

I don’t want my fear to guide my parenting. You know, its only been recently that I have felt like I can breathe again after being on that path of fear for so long, and it’s still a work in progress. I want my children to live a life that is simple, pure, and full of hope but my own life has to be full of sincere faith and I must pray for myself and them every day. I shouldn’t always have to explain why because if I’m sincere, insha’Allah they will sense that. Sometimes we have to discuss it in more detail and they need that too, especially in a time where their world around them is full of contradictions.

How I wish I lived in a yurt, with a cow, away from all of this… Insha’Allah in time.

There are many reasons why we shouldn’t let children watch television, movies, etc. We should really be vigilant about what is put on these screens. The subliminal messages are everywhere. I’ve seen Layth lose his urge to read, color, play, during times that we have allowed movies. He’s 6! We should really look to see what is haram in these movies but be sincere about it. We want to avoid what will call us away from our Creator because what is there besides Him? Everything besides Him is pointless… ya Rabb.

Anyways, apparently I’m being very honest online lately. You know, I’ve been online for years now and was afraid to be honest about certain things for a long time. I don’t know what it is about this salafi thing…and again, it’s not everyone at all, but the basic setup, the understanding of basic things seems to lead to this.

This life is truly a journey that takes us places we never imagined. I’m grateful for this and I hope that anyone who reads this knows that I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or hurt anyone. I really don’t. Insha’Allah whatever path we seek it must be for Allah’s sake… truly for His sake, not for people. Insha’Allah we will realize that there has to be a healthy balance between love, hope, and fear – but a fear that is about shielding ourselves from what will call us away from Allah.

My dear sister Itto reminded me in her recent post of something important.

I do not think that kids need to be reprimanded all the time to become good and well behaved people.
I do not think it is right to force a kid at his expenses simply to please others or to feel proud as a parent.
I do not like to command my kids all the time and to give them instructions on how to behave and on how to do things right.

…

I do not want to make them behave well only for the superficial sake of other people’s praise.

It should never be about people or material things. The raising of our children should be sincerely for His sake. Allah sees and hears everything. He knows our struggles. He is the One that blesses. He is the one who has given us our lives as a trust and our children as trusts. InshaAllah with this in mind and with practice our journey will be one worth taking and one that is blessed in many ways.

Inspiration

Bismillah

Just Thinking and Appreciating

Bismillah

I love caffeine. I love Earl Grey tea and Organic Chai (the Tazo kind). I first tried it and got hooked when someone, who I miss often, sent me a gift with different sorts of teas, books, house accessories… masha’Allah. I’m grateful this tea was introduced into my life.

And with raw honey it is out of this world.

I love taking trips. I’m excited about the possibility of one at the end of this month to Orlando, bi’idhnillah.

I don’t have a 200 dollar camera but I feel like I do when I see the tranquility in these pictures. I was browsing some pictures from this past year from our trip to California and back and I am amazed at the difference in every state. The United States is amazingly beautiful.

The more expensive the camera, the better the detail and picture. I know. I wish I could afford one but then the guilt of buying it and not putting my money to better use would eat at me. Who says you need a 200-500 dollar camera anyways? The memories are within the heart and if we live the moment we will appreciate it so much more. We should appreciate the moment more.

I tried to capture as many shots as I could through Colorado. I got such a green vibe going through this state. The freshness of the air, the colors, the style of the homes… very soothing for my heart. I hope to be able to re live those moments again insha’Allah.

It’s the simple things of life that are the most enjoyable. I hate being inside shopping malls and neighborhoods that don’t have simplicity of the past, the feel of the countryside. We fool ourselves when we think more material things will make us happy.

I love watching my children as they enjoy the simpler toys. I think my children have 3 or 4 battery operated toys and all of them allow them the ability to use their own imagination. I’ve seen that they enjoy things they can put together so much more vs. the things that are already put together. This always makes me think. Lately I enjoy handmades more and buying things that have been used (toys, baskets, books, etc.).

You know, my children have taught me to appreciate the things that I make. The picture above is a close up of what didn’t fit into my vinegar bottle of my own homemade laundry detergent after it cooled down and thickened (post to come insha’Allah).

Honestly, it’s due to seeing my children’s excitement when they try to invent their own sauces, cook their own eggs or just mix the eggs, build a castle with cardboard that I get excited when I try new things. Seeing their excitement… well, it’s just priceless. These are the moments of deep joy that I hope will lead me to find contentment with everything in my life. Ya Allah.

There’s beauty in everything. We just have to be willing to see it. I realize I have much to learn but what I have learned in my twenty three years of life is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

To be given the opportunity to find beauty where it is usually not attributed is a blessing. My life seems to be leading to this lesson more and more. Alhamdulillah.

Time for bed. I think I’m in trouble in the morning. : )

Avoiding the news

Bismillah

Brother Noufal Ibrahim has a post up called News Fast that got me thinking more on the topic of avoiding the news. I do prefer to avoid the news for many reasons. Firstly, I have too much going on in my life as it is and too many thoughts to be able to keep up with more. Secondly, the news angers me. The more I read the news the more I realize how backwards we have become as a people, in all arenas of life. I get saddened when I read about our world being destroyed, children dying, women being raped, men losing their faith, unjust war, and all the other things that are happening. What can my anger do? It’s only harming me.

I know what’s going on. All it takes is to step out of my home and talk to people. People tend to fill me in on some of the news. My own husband asks me about certain things and I tell him I, quite often, that I had no idea! I really don’t care to know everything because most is too negative and I already know it. I prefer to deal with what is going on locally and make du’a’ for what is going on globally or try and help in other ways that I can. I know people are starving all over the world. I know there are injustices. But I am a wife and a mother with a home to provide for my family and two children to raise. I prefer to spend my time trying to better myself as a servant of my Creator. This is A LOT of work. I want my children to be proactive when it comes to taking care of the needy but they don’t need to hear it from the news. We should be on top of this stuff, at least in our own localities. With the time change, busy lives, and lack of barakah in our time, and not having the means, locally is sometimes all we can manage. This is okay. Allah knows!

There are more important things to keep up on than reading the news. If we talk to our neighbors we will find out what it is THEY need and what others need. Finding out about the latest facebook complaint is not on my list of priorities at all. I really do not care! I’m really contemplating removing my facebook account. I stay on because I find interesting reads and events but it’s too much information for my brain, honestly. Sadly, I’ve attempted to remove it several times and come back to it. Maybe I should get encouraged by the fact that my husband removed his account… yeah, I’ll do that insha’Allah.

A question that I have for anyone reading this. Do you really have the time and space in your mind for reading of the news? Is there a way that we can cut back and focus on certain topics vs everything? I, for example, do like to keep up with issues that affect mothers trying to have babies at home or naturally after a cesarean or homeschooling (like one of my latest posts). This is my little area of joy, area where I like to stay informed so that it can help others. But even that has its limits now. There is just way too much information out there. Too much.